Also, the weather has been, intermittently,  improving around here, and there’s a lot of yard work and maintenance to get done (not to mention the ever growing ‘Honey-Do’ list that I can never seem to get caught up on lol)

Anyhow, I have 20+ pages I want to post : reviews, downloads, etc etc, but trying to put the final touches on them, as well as trying to make them compatible with all browsers, so (still), Coming Soon!

So for now, “patience young padawan!” and wish me luck on avoiding the digital burnout

ps. and thanks for sticking it out with me

~Sun

A few points to ponder on.  I’ll add to this as time progresses, I might even make some changes to those I add as time, age and the natural process of learning, or lack there of, changes my view.

As water flows through a majestic river, or waves swell in oceans deep, my life, knowledge and view of the world around me is ever turbulent, constantly shifting and ceaselessly restless.

Nothing is certain, of that, I am certain.

ABC’s to follow and points of view to consider:

¤ Expect the unexpected.  Nothing will ever go as planned. As a sign I keep over my desk reads “Murphy’s Law: Nothing is as easy as it looks. Everything takes longer than you expect. And if anything can go wrong – it will, AT THE WORST POSSIBLE MOMENT!”

¤ Plan ahead. This is extremely important in all matters of life.

¤ Expect nothing, yet, give everything. For the fruit of your labor is only a minuscule part of your reward.

¤ Don’t Don’t Don’t give up! No matter what course in life you decide to travel, you will encounter setbacks, hard climbs and roadblocks.  The action of Giving Up can be defined in one simple word ~ “Failure”

¤ (For Guys) Never, lest you be NOT a man, lay your hand on a woman. (For the Ladies) Never, lest you be nothing more than a man who lays a hand on you, use that one, below-the-belt, only you would know,  thing against him. (For both) Ever.

¤ Love yourself, but love your better half more, and your children more still. For those who cannot have, or wish not to have, children:   Love children with all your heart, is their existence or pure of heart actions their fault? No.  (I speak of pure-of-heart, innocent actions, thoughts and demeanor.  Not insolence.  That you can blame on the parents’)

¤ …speaking of:  Never be ashamed, or too proud to have a “Better” half. Who says you’re the better person? mmhmm, take a close look in the mirror.  If your Better half says you are, it’s a message out of love (or fear – shame on you).

¤ (I’m going to catch hell for this I know, but take a real good look at your little minion)  Never be afraid to punish or scold your children. Now, don’t run off and grab a rolling pin, riding crop, leather strap or prepare the closet for incoming guests… extreme thinking like that lead to the extreme thinking on the opposite side of the spectrum today.  Punish commensurate to the offense.  If a child skips homework and jumps right on the ‘boob-tube’.  Ground them from the tele’ for a day.  (It rots the brain anyway – It’s NOT a babysitter!!!)  If they back-talk or curse, wash their mouth out with BAR soap.  For God’s sake not liquid or dish soap (I’ve seen this done is why I bring it up), there IS a difference and the latter has chemicals not found in bar soap that can lead to ailment, and in extreme cases, poisoning, also, it’s easier for them to swallow a larger quantity on accident (especially when crying)… you’re the parent, use that brain God gave you.  Don’t beat the shit out of your kid, they are you’re creation, and more importantly, you’re gift.  Treasure them, Love them, Respect them, Teach them and give them a Proper Example to follow, then, Teach them to lead others by example.

– a little history here: I grew up with a belt on my pretty end and a fist in my mouth.  Anytime I got out of line.  And, I cleaned my own room, scrubbed toilets, sinks and floors.  Vacuumed, Dusted and polished furniture.  I carried my own weight.  I firmly believe it, in many respects, has made me a better person.  But it has also created inner demons (which is why I say “NO” to the extreme thinking) I constantly have to keep in check.  So far, my wife says she has never seen them, so fingers crossed, I’m doing a good job of it.  Children today are so coddled it’s sickening.  Children today are also so doped up and diagnosed with an unreal variety of “Conditions” that we are creating a generation of piss’n'moan, momma boys and girls.  It scares the living crap out of me the generation my daughters will be living in.  I have been blessed with children that have common sense and respect.  I like to think I played a role in that, and I firmly believe I did.  One of my daughters I trust, is being taught the same level of respect and common sense that I teach my other little girl.  I haven’t talked to her in what seems like ages (not my choice… that’s a post I leave on “Private” aka my “vent page”).  And though I may not agree with her on some things, I know my previous wife has a good head on her shoulders and that she will take care of her.  Physically, Spiritually, Mentally and Emotionally.  This I know, This I Hope, This I Pray. Amen.

¤ Never be afraid to admit you are, or were, wrong. I struggle with this daily, and must concede, still wait, at times, for proof to be slapped in my face.  To those of which I have acted so stubborn to, I was wrong, and I am sorry.

¤ Never be ashamed to say you are sorry. It makes a better person out of you, and, even when it’s the hardest, is ultimately what those who are hurt want to hear… but in earnest.  On the flip side, don’t say it too much.  It loses it’s meaning in the fog of so many “I’m Sorry” ‘s. (Ever heard the story of the little boy that cried wolf? same concept!)

¤ Find your faults, face your faults, overcome your faults. Yeah, I know, easier said than done.  Trust me, no one knows that better than me, and I still struggle with it daily.  Start small and work your way to the harder ones.  For example.  Have a hard time with dates and appointments?  Use your cell-phones calender to set reminders, paste a calender up next to your door and use a Red marker to circle the appointments, set your watch, or similar concepts.  Then once you have a system worked out, move on to the next fault and create a system that works for you.

¤ Don’t be lazy. I used to pride myself on this one.  I was always moving, working, staying active, getting involved and what-not.  Somewhere along the line I got lost.  I’m still trying to find my way back.

¤ Make a promise, Keep a promise. This applies to everything in life.  Bills are a promise to pay for services/product received (If something happens and you can’t pay, CALL THEM!!!).  Promise of Ice Cream or increase in allowance after receiving a good report card or Parent-Teacher? Follow up! (Goes back to the setting a good example for your kids… ).  This one hit me like a ton of bricks, and now I pay the price, or, with my daughter, work twice as hard to instill this value and reverse any damage I may have created.  Yes, I make mistakes, and sometimes it takes me a bit to see the light.  I’m dense like that, k?!

¤ If you smoke, do it outside!  If not, good for you! Don’t pick it up! But, if you do, try to quit.  I’m trying. Hard.  But patches and gum don’t work.  It’s my one true vice, I struggle with it constantly, and I guess it’s in my head.  Yes, the Sun is Mental! *twitch*

¤ If you drink, for God’s sake 1) Do it in moderation. 2) Know you’re limits. 3) DON’T DON’T DON’T Drink and Drive. Call a cab, friend or unlock your car, hand the keys to the bartender and sleep it off in the back seat.  Or simply just walk home/motel or friends house. 3) If you’re one of those pissy drunks, that should be you’re clue.  Drop the habit cause you’re making an ass out of yourself.  No one said I was going to go easy on you, I say it like it is.  or 4) Just quit.  I know years of heavy drinking can lead to addiction and I’ve seen withdrawals from alcohol.  No, it’s not pretty, comfortable or gentle, but worth it in the end.

I have a myriad of other topics I want to cover, but, it’s now 4:30am on Valentines Day.  I need to get to bed before Mama wakes up and throws a frying pan at me.

Oh, yeah, one last one to leave you on…

Don’t stay up until 4:30am on Valentines Day writing a blog ;p

No one said I follow all of my own advice.

~Sun

16Feb2010:

¤ Treat animals like you would treat your children: Self explanatory, I think.  Even if the animal is not yours, they DO feel too.  They feel pain, suffering, depression, joy, love.  I grew up in a family with several pets’.  Some I spent my entire youth with, others came and went.  I have had Dogs, Cats, Birds, Ferrets, Pigs, Horses, Cows, pretty much you name it.  I may not be ‘Textbook’ taught my knowledge of animals, but experience is my insight.  How can a person show remorse, caring or compassion when seeing the falling tears of an infant, yet, show anger, frustration or complete and utter detachment of emotion when you see an animals eyes water?  I know not all animals can ‘Cry’, but I cannot help but care for, tend to or nurture an animal, whether a pet, stray or otherwise, when I hear them whimper, cry or (and especially when) I witness their eyes tear up. It is their only way of showing/telling you they are in pain, they are suffering, they are depressed or breathe with a heavy heart.

– A recommendation to us all: Learn to Love like our pets.  Learn to measure your love of any or all things, against the love your pet holds for you.

I nearly dispatched one of my cats tonight.  For something that drives me near mad.  He sprays.  And recently he has done so throughout our home.  We have spent countless hours cleaning to try and get the smell out and ‘punish’ him by refusing to let him back in.  His sister, within days, becomes so depressed, she doesn’t eat, doesn’t leave her spot on the stairs, doesn’t respond to our attention.  It’s near heart wrenching.  She has been with him her whole life.  Has never been beyond our porch (to scared to venture further) and, even though he plays Alpha Male at times and assails her for no reason, they immediately cuddle, clean and make up.  For over 5 years this has been the case, and she is such a sweet friend and member of our family, we cannot bear to see her like that… so, in the house he is allowed again.  Though each time, with a more wary eye than the last.

And though we have had him fixed, yes, it is still possible for them to spray.  (There’s a difference between a ‘mark’ of his desire to procreate [another cat is in heat near by] and a territorial mark).  At, what I know true to be the brink of letting him live, and breaking his neck, a shot of pain ran through my veins.  Not purely physical, yet, not purely psychological nor emotional either.  It’s something I have never felt.  I instantly let him go and chased him out the door.  My hands are stained, but not by someone, or some animal, that is innocent.  So this, in all actuality, scared the shit out me.  I wasn’t defending myself.  I wasn’t defending anyone.  I wasn’t fighting for the cause, or by order.  That time has long since gone.  So What in the Hell am I doing?  Am I that out of it that something as simple as an animals instincts and course of nature causes Crimson Blindness?

I spent the next 2 hours outside in the pouring rain with my Beagle, Joey (who has been with him since Joey was first brought home 3 years ago), to search for him.  When I was just about to head home, literally, tears in my eyes and thoughts of “My punishment is: not knowing what his condition is.  Dead? Alive? Injured beyond healing? Laying cold, wet and hurt in a puddle somewhere I missed and unable to move? (Adrenaline would have led him running, yowling and jumping, like he did when I turned loose of him, well beyond the still of his heart)”.   I would have never forgotten.  Or Forgiven.  An innocent animal, pet, friend, family member.  Died, by my hands, not out of compassion, as you would for a dying, ill or injured animal.  But out of rage.  Anger.  Shear “Crimson Blindness” as I call it.

I found him on my way back home, Joey by my side.  Hiding in the shadows, staring at me with the look of unknowing.  Unknowing as to what I would do.  This friend of mine has been with me long enough to feel what I feel.  If I hurt, he hurts, and comes to my side.  At times, to my lap. (Which, by the way,  a rare occurrence).  If I am angry, irregardless the reasons, he steers clear of me.  If I am jovial or excited, he plays on the porch, or with the myriad of toys strewn about the house.  Or, he brings me ‘presents’ from the mysterious mice farm, located somewhere around here… still haven’t been able to find it, but it’s existence is something I am certain of.

I knew he hurt, as I am sure, he knew so did I.  But with the knowledge of ‘Cat Lives -1′, and I was the culprit.  He, ever so carefully, came to me.  He wouldn’t let me come to him.  I don’t blame him.  It had to be on his terms.  To be sure.

My friend may not be inside, but he is home.  And, from what I can tell, not physically hurt.  I’m sure he will be wary of me, and I don’t blame him for it.  I’m just glad my friend is safe.

Now I must ensure he is safe… from me.

I never said I was perfect.  And I kindly direct you back to my line on Learning.  Please, read, and reflect on it with me.  I’m knee deep in the refresher course.

~Sun

Yeah, so do I.  However, I think it describes the topic perfectly.

I’m not quite sure what it is… the ‘Vintage’, reflective, touches your Soul feel of She & Him, The Weepies and Kate Nash playing in the background, or the ‘Out with the buds’ feel I got after watching “Yes Man” with Jim Carrey this evening.  Or, perhaps, its the way the moon is (barely) glowing through the evening fog, but, I miss Certain (note the strong presence of that word) portions of my ‘previous’ life.

Now, to lay down a small disclaimer here…     I promised myself, way back when, when I decided to start a website about Me, my thoughts and the world revolving around me as I see it (which, anyone who knows me knows I am a very private person to those not close to me, so this is quite the inversion of my personality), I would NOT use this as a bitchy, moan and groan, piss and wish forum rotting in decay below a years downpour of self pity, dripping with emotion and grimy with O-Woes-me.  However, I’m ‘on the hunt’ as it were.  I need to find if I’m going through this as a lone rider, or if I’m part of a bigger party trekking the plains of solitude, reminiscence and sheer loneliness.

I stated above “Certain aspects of my previous life”.  To clarify, I mean the portion that had Friends, Relatives, Hang-outs and Activities outside of my home and work.  You know, the Friday Night meet-ups at the pub or dance club, pool hall or lake, poker with the guys, Hanging out, laughing, bullshitting and carrying on, completely void of any thought of work, responsibility and time.

Now, please don’t ‘read into this’ without reading.. um.. into this further.  I love my life.  My wife, children, job (at times ) ) and the security we are afforded in our lives.  Through thick and thin, I will be by my beautiful brides side, and I know, with all certainty, she will be by mine.  And, I truly believe the most important part, she is and will remain, my best friend.  I just wish we were not such Home-bodies (Sometimes).  Is that wrong of me to feel?  Should I be completely content with staying home, each and every night.  No bars (which, in all actuality, I’m fine with… Ive had my days of partying and passing out… I’m done with it, thanks.), no pubs (there is a difference), pool halls, dance clubs (though, where we live, it might as well just be called a bar), no spontaneous road trips, jaunts to the lake/beach/mountains, etc.  In short, nothing.  Sad as it is to say, my social hour is spent here at the desk, nose buried in the keyboard, eyes glued to the screen, socializing, or more accurately, wasting time, in Second Life and the News (Gotta Love the AP).  God what a waste.

Now, with not being able to work at the moment because of an injury (6 months ago… Thanks a lot *&%*^*^$!!!) caused by a coworker, our current financial situation is tight, but livable, with a few pennies here and there we can afford for such activities as stated above (on an extremely limited basis).  Yet, with our free weekends (she still works… which I hope to change the need for when I get back to work), you would figure we would at least take a leave of absence from these four walls at least once a month.  Even a short trip based, directionally, on a finger pointed. And yes, Ive done that quite often throughout my life… if you never have, here is a crash course on it:

1)     Sigh in boredom (or frustration from work, etc etc)

2)     Fill up the car (check your account first don’t need to get stuck somewhere you’ve never been and not being able to fill up)

3)     Double check your attire.  You don’t want to show up for dinner at a 5 star in your robe and slippers do you?  Then why would you want to go on a drive to relax in a suit and tie?

4)     Roll down window

5)     Lick your finger tip (I hope you washed your hands first 0.0!)

6)     Stick your arm out the window, in a perfect ‘L’ shape with your finger pointed to the sky

7)     Now, here’s where it gets tricky as there are two methods you can approach this somewhat awkward moment.  (Since most people driving or walking by will see your arm out the window with your finger pointed rather precariously straight up, as if you have noticed the first publicly viewable sight of an Alien craft or awaiting landing of the worlds smallest Hawk on your finger tip.  (The funny part about this, and you can get a rather good chuckle out of it, is people will actually stop [when walking] or crane their heads out a window of a car, straining to see what the hell ever it is you are pointing at).

Method A)  If you just got off work, are stressed out or worried sick about something going on or coming up at work, and are in the throes of that good ol’ “Gotta Get Away” mode… Feel the wind on the tip of your moist finger tip.  Now, start your car, turn the wheel and drive in the Same Direction as the wind, occasionally turning left or right here and there at whim, and don’t stop for at least an hour.  I know you are asking why the same direction or an hour before stopping and I’ll share with you why I do this below.

Method B)  If you’re not particularly stressed, or simply just bored, rotate your hand around (in a sort of ‘Whoop-D Doo’ motion) allowing your finger to rotate around a  full 360° a couple of times… breathe twice then stop, leaving your finger pointed, horizontally, in whatever direction you stopped at.  Start your car, turn the wheel and drive in that direction for at least a half hour before stopping.

My reasons for this: Method A.  By driving with the wind to your back, there is a feel of driving faster than you are actually going.  Ever noticed that? Psychologically this plays a trick on your brain making you think you are driving fast away from work, home, stress and the things which are elevating your blood pressure or giving you the feeling of claustrophobia.  You will actually start to de-stress as the time ticks away.  You don’t want to stop for at least an hour because you are still in your ‘neighborhood’.  You are still relatively close to home, in somewhat familiar surrounding, which will work against what we are trying to accomplish here… Getting away.  After this hour has passed, go ahead and make a pit stop.  Drop into a diner and grab a cup of coffee, or whatever your preference, and sit for a few in a booth, looking out over the restaurant.  I do this occasionally in a Starbucks or similar, even though I’m not particularly fond of  that kind of environment, it does allow just enough commotion to distract me.  It allows me to see the chatty, relatively happy (most of the time) faces of others, which, by nature, influences my state of mind (if you let it).  Do this a couple times along your drive, making sure not to visit the same type establishment twice.  For example: stop 1) Starbucks, stop 2) a small pub, stop 3) a diner, stop 4) a small miscellany shop or art store, etc.  Once it is either getting late enough that you absolutely must get home, or, you are finally starting to relax, go ahead and start heading home.  It’s no vacation, but this should help you see things through a little less stressful until you can truly get away for a few days.

Method B.  This is your opportunity to feel free!  Just picking a random direction and heading out.  Seeing the sights, making random turns along the way, letting the wheels and music carry you.  Stop here and there just to watch others, in places you have never been, interact.  Pick random highway signs to follow.  Coast highway- Left 1/2 mile?  Mountain range to the Right?  State Park or Downtown city in sight? Go for it!  Check it out!  It’s time to explore, time to relax, time to be free!  You will be amazed at how great you feel when you get home, dreaming of all the things you had seen and places you visited, then waking up refreshed and ready to do it all over again.

Don’t forget to keep your radio on for both methods.  I normally ride with Metallica, Linkin Park and the like when I’m out for shear fun, or She & Him or Yael Naim if I want to relax, or even a bit of CCR and ZZTop or Jimmie for reaching back to my roots.

Back to my original topic… Now that I’m getting anxious with my desire to follow my own advice.  (For me, its no fun if I can’t take my wife).

I know I’m not hitting “Mid-Life” just yet, opposite my celestial name-sharer, the Sun’s not that… erm… well aged yet.  I’ve barely dipped my toes into early thirties (ok, maybe a whole foot, but well above water here ;p).

I was hoping to do a little camping, however, apparently, the last time we went camping we somehow got the tent wet… I don’t know how, it was a week of hot sunshine without a cloud in the sky, but, it did get wet.  And mold and mildew wreak havoc on nylon.  So in the dumpster it went.  As for buying another, well, I kindly refer you back a few sentences where I discuss our budget.

I would love to take everyone to ride the quad, but, we sold it/had it stolen.  Take your time… I’ll wait for you to stop scratching your head over that one ;p .  We sold it to a ‘friend’ of ours a few years ago.  I warned her “It cannot be used for mudding like the big boy quads (it was a little 90cc I picked up for our daughter)”.  What’s the first thing she did with it? You guessed it! Ran it around her folks property after a month of rain in knee deep mud.  And, as I had warned her, the motor seized up and the block cracked from overheating. I’ll explain why I say “Stolen” next.

Part of the sales agreement was that she would pay us 12 weekly payments of $50 (in line with her paychecks at the time) for a total of $600 (The local ‘toy’ shop as I call it was selling an identical for $1400).  We agreed to this and to no interest because 1) we considered her a friend and 2) because of #1, we trusted her.  She had paid $100 dollars by the time she blew the motor.  After months of hounding her about it and threatening to take her to court, she finally tells us its location and says “just go pick it up”.  I remind her that it was in top condition (like new) and that I would not only go after her for the remainder of the agreement, but the repairs as well (after speaking to an attorney about it, he informed me of what all I could go after her for), she got pissed off and had me removed from wal-mart (her employer).  I found it rather funny though since, I worked for that store quite some time before that and was personal friends with the Store Manager, Tom.  I called Tom up and explained what happened to him.  He immediately revoked my ban and called her into his office to inform her that she needs to take care of her obligations because if another person she owes money to (apparently this happened with her before!) shows up in the store to confront her about it, she would be terminated.

Well, she never paid up, never brought us the quad (she removed it from her parents house after the store incident), moved and transferred to another store (found the latter out rather recently).  There is no statute of limitations on a personal purchase contract, so, at least now I know where to have her served wish me luck!

Anyhow…

We’re hoping to take a drive out to California come June.  Want to cruise around my old stomping grounds and hang out at the beach for a few days.  That’s a rather pricey roadtrip, and one I haven’t done in quite some time.  I’m really looking forward to it, but, as always, there’s a catch.

I also am considering asking my former wife to allow my daughter to fly out here during the summer.  And, considering out limited funds, it’s going to be a rather tough goal to meet.  Not to mention trying to find things to do as a family while she’s here.  Just the airfare alone is upwards of $1000!!  So California would be a no-go this summer, for sure.  Typically, I would ask a 50-50 split on the bill, however, I know she has things a bit tough at the moment as well, and, if things don’t work out fully with matters she’s going through currently, it could get a lot tougher for her.  So asking to divvy up the tab right now is a no-go.  (for those of you who still can’t understand why not, think of this… the tighter/tougher it gets on her, as a single mother, the tighter and tougher it get’s on her kids [including our daughter].  So I would much rather her save the scratch for things like food and clothing).  If push comes to shove, and believe me, I would be really pushing back against my desire to see her, she might have to wait until next summer.  Maybe by then the docs will figure out how bad the damages are to me and I can get back to work and some real money (fingers crossed).

Damn I get distracted don’t I?  Seem to be all over the map on this one! (Though see the correlation between them all and my dilemma?! well… I do ;p)

So, to all you late-twenties/early-thirty somethings out there…

What do you do when you start feeling lonely, cooped up, bored stiff and on a limited budget?  I’d like some input here please.  Computer games, websites, chess, cards and family game night just aren’t cutting it.

(When responding, please try to mention things that include family [where applicable] and not alcohol, drugs, parties or bars.  And things under a tight budget, please.  I need some ideas lol, thx!)

~Sun

Started having issues with my previous setup (guess the dust of inactivity really started to clog the servers gears), so I’m revamping things.  Yes I know its a WordPress, a Blog, but isn’t that basically what I had started before?

I hope to start putting up the rest of the pages in a rather timely manner, as well as finally implement the email system, members area and whatnot.

I’ll put up more soon.  I’m still trying to get the hang of this WordPress setup, so bare with me.

Take care,

~Sun